It can be hard to know what to say or do when someone you care about has lost a loved one in a road crash. You may feel helpless, worried about their wellbeing, or afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Most people cope with trauma, grief, and loss with the support of family and friends. Reaching out after a death can make a meaningful difference. You might contact them by visiting in person, calling them, sending a text message or sending a sympathy card or flowers.
People who are grieving may be in shock, feel overwhelmed, or withdraw from others. You may need to check in more than once and be patients if they are not ready to accept support straight away.
You cannot take away someone’s pain. But by being present, listening with care, and checking in regularly, you can offer meaningful comfort and show the person that they’re not alone.
What helps:
- Say you’re sorry for their loss. Simple words like “I’m sorry for your loss” show you care. If you’re not sure what to say, it’s okay to be honest: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”
- Just be there. Sitting with someone, spending time together, or checking in can give comfort, even without talking.
- Listen and let them share. Let them talk about how they feel or tell stories about the person who died. It’s okay they repeat themselves. You don’t need to fill every silence – quiet can be supportive too.
- Use the person’s name. If it’s appropriate, use the name of the person who died and share memories. This shows that their relationship mattered.
- Accept their feelings. People can feel many different emotions; sadness, anger, confusion, confusion, or even moments of calm. Let them express their feelings without judging them.
- Remember you can’t “fix” grief. You can’t take their pain away, and that’s okay. Support them by listening and offering simple practical help.
- Grief takes time – let it. There’s no set timelines for grieving. Support may drop off after a few weeks, so checking in later- especially on birthdays, anniversaries, or special dates – can be very meaningful.
- Encourage gentle self-care. Remind them to rest, eat well, move their body, and do activities that help them feel calm. Encourage them to accept help when they need it.
- Offer practical support. Practical help can make a big difference. This might include doing some housework, helping with meals, answering the phone, or running errands. Always check with the grieving person first to make sure the help you’re offering is something they want or need.
- Take care of yourself too. Supporting someone who is grieving can be emotionally heavy. Make sure you talk to people you trust and look after your own wellbeing.
- Ask for extra help if needed. If you’re worried about the person, or about yourself, it can help to talk to a mental health professional or a support service like Road Trauma Support WA.
What to Avoid
- Avoid clichés such as “They’re in a better place,” “It was meant to be,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
- Avoid saying “I know how you feel.”
- Encourage them to share their feelings instead of assuming you understand them.
- Avoid referring to the person as “the deceased.” Use their name or relationship (e.g., “your son”).
- Avoid giving judgments, criticising, or telling someone how they should grieve such as “You should be over it by now,” “You need to get out more”).
- Avoid comparing their loss to your own experiences or someone else’s.
- Avoid trying to find a positive side to the death, such as “at least they didn’t suffer”.
- Avoid taking over. Offer support and suggestions, but allow the person to make their own decisions.
- Avoid withdrawing yourself because you don’t know what to say. Your presence and support are often more important than finding the right words.
Grief Resources
Grief Australia
www.grief.org.au
My Grief Assist
www.mygriefassist.com.au
GriefLink
http://grieflink.org.au
GriefLine
https://griefline.org.au
What’s Your Grief?
www.whatyourgrief.com
