When the world moves on, the grief doesn’t
Every year, World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims provides an opportunity to pause and remember the lives lost on our roads. It’s also a day to recognise the families, friends and communities left behind, whose lives are changed forever by a road tragedy.
Behind every road fatality is a person with a story, a family who loves them and a future that was never meant to end so suddenly. And while we take time to remember those who are no longer with us, it’s important to acknowledge the people who continue to carry the impact of their loss long after the crash.
For many families, the grief doesn’t end when the road reopens, the flowers fade or the news reports disappear. Life continues, but it is never quite the same.
In this blog, Pippa J. Thomas shares her experience of losing her son in a road crash and the lasting impact of grief and trauma. Through her personal story, Pippa highlights how the effects of road trauma can surface in unexpected ways, even years after losing someone you love.
When the noise stops, but the trauma doesn’t
An excerpt from Pippa J. Thomas
Three years after losing her son in a road crash, Pippa continues to navigate the grief and trauma that followed. In this reflection, she shares an experience that brought the reality of that loss rushing back.
“Today, I went and sat at my son’s grave. It’s something I still find incredibly difficult to do, even three years after losing him. There is nothing normal about standing at your child’s grave, knowing that their life ended when they should still be here living it.
Then, without warning, the silence was shattered by the unmistakable sound of a car doing a burnout.
But this wasn’t just any road. It was the very same road where my son and other young men lost their lives. The same road that changed so many families forever and left an entire community grieving. A road that, for some, is simply part of their daily drive, but for others holds memories of the worst day of their lives.
It took me hours to calm my nerves. I had to sit quietly, concentrate on taking slow breaths and give my body time to settle. Even after the noise stopped, I couldn’t simply return to what I had been doing.
That is the part of PTSD that so many people never see. They don’t see the hours spent trying to feel calm again, the exhaustion that follows or the way a single sound can interrupt an otherwise ordinary day.”
Finding my own way forward
While Pippa’s experience highlights the lasting impact of grief and trauma, RTSWA asked her what she has learnt about supporting herself through the difficult days and what has helped her along the way.
“One of the biggest things I’ve learnt is that there really isn’t a right or wrong way to navigate grief and trauma.
I’ve found trauma counselling through Road Trauma Support WA, along with breathwork, meditation and writing, to be valuable tools for me. Writing especially has become an important outlet. Sometimes it’s easier to put everything into words than it is to actually speak about what I’m feeling.
I’ve also learnt to acknowledge my emotions rather than constantly trying to push through them. Some days I can be productive, write, create and get things done. Other days, I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity to do much at all, and I’ve had to learn that that’s okay too.
Supporting myself doesn’t always mean doing something. Sometimes it means allowing myself to feel whatever I’m feeling, recognising when I’m overwhelmed, setting boundaries and giving myself permission to rest without feeling guilty about it.
I don’t believe being strong means holding everything together all the time. Sometimes strength is simply acknowledging that you’re struggling and allowing yourself the space and support you need.
You don’t have to be okay every day, and you don’t have to measure your healing against anybody else’s.”
The Effects of Road Trauma Can Last a Life Time
Pippa’s experience is a powerful reminder that road trauma doesn’t end when the crash scene is cleared. For families who have lost someone, grief can become part of everyday life. Ordinary sounds, familiar places and unexpected reminders can bring back emotions that never really disappear.
This World Day of Remembrance, we remember those who have lost their lives on our roads, and we also acknowledge the families, friends and communities who continue to live without them .
We remember the people behind the statistics; who they were, the lives they lived and the people who loved them. And we recognise that for those left behind, their loss is something they carry every day.
At Road Trauma Support WA (RTSWA), we provide free, confidential and trauma-informed support and counselling to anyone impacted by road trauma, including people who have lost someone they love.
This World Day of Remembrance, we remember the lives lost, acknowledge the lives changed and stand alongside everyone continuing to navigate the aftermath of road trauma.
About the author
Pippa J. Thomas is a lived-experience writer who shares her personal experience of road trauma to help others better understand the lasting impact of road crashes on individuals, families and communities.
We thank Pippa for generously sharing her story with RTSWA.