Losing someone as a result of road trauma can bring strong feelings of grief as well as fear, guilt, sadness, or anger.
It’s natural to feel bereaved, to grieve and mourn after a loss, but what are the signs we’re stuck in the grieving process, and how can we learn to live with grief?
What’s the difference between bereavement, mourning and grief?
- Bereavement is a period of mourning after a loss, where we grieve the loss of a loved one. When we think of bereavement, we usually think of the loss of someone close to us through death, but it can also be other losses such as loss of health through injury.
- Mourning is the expression of sorrow for someone’s death, the behaviors we display when we grieve. Mourning is influenced by social and cultural rituals and may include funerals, wearing black for a certain amount of time, prayers, burials, or fasting.
- Grief affects every part of our lives and is our emotional, mental, physical, and behavioural response to loss.
It is normal to go through grief. Bereavement alters our lives and grief stays with us, but we can learn to cope with it, grow with it and continue to live a good life – a different life, but still good.
When we talk about coping with sudden bereavement, we’re talking about how we cope with the grief that comes with bereavement. How do we make sure it doesn’t become complicated or traumatic grief, leading to a decline in our mental and physical health?
Grief stays with us, but we can learn to cope with it, grow with it and continue to live a good life.
Everyone grieves differently – there is no right or wrong way
Often when we’re grieving, we feel alone in our grief. We may feel like we aren’t coping, that we should be moving on, handling it differently. Should we be crying more, or less? Are we allowed to laugh and have fun? How do we make time for the rest of the family, work, and ourselves? Are we normal? Are we doing it ‘right’?
Grieving is normal and there is no right or wrong way to grieve – it is very individual. Some people express grief through tears, anger, numbness, sleeping (or not sleeping), eating (or not eating) or through overprotectiveness of others.
The important thing is to allow time for grief; however it feels for you.
What happens when grief becomes complicated?
Grief is a normal response to a loss that, with help and support, we will learn to manage and live with. But sometimes we don’t manage. Our grief becomes complicated and unresolved; it becomes prolonged and intense, impairing our work, health, and social lives.
This can also happen when trauma is involved. Following a traumatic event like a road crash, especially where we have lost a loved one, the grief can become traumatic grief. We can be dealing with trauma as well as grief.
Trauma brings physical responses such as headaches, nausea, fatigue, agitation, increased heart rate and sweating. It can bring its own feelings of grief as well as strong feelings of fear, guilt, sadness, or anger.
While trying to cope with the trauma, the grief process can become stuck, and this is where grief becomes complicated or traumatic grief.
What are some of the signs of complicated or traumatic grief after road trauma?
In the case of complicated or traumatic grief, the common signs of grief do not decrease over time. Instead, they impact our ability to manage daily tasks, work or maintain our relationships.
Common signs of complicated or traumatic grief include:
- agitation
- anger
- disturbed sleep, including nightmares
- worry about going in a car (or about others going in a car)
- guilt
- changes in eating habits
- avoiding the area where the crash happened
- changes in appearance
- fighting with people
- emotional outbursts
- no improvement in coping ability
- isolating/withdrawing
When this happens, professional help can provide the support needed to work through the grief and the trauma, and the tools needed to help live life going forward.
When to get help
Not everyone who goes through a bereavement, even a sudden or traumatic one, needs to get professional help. Often, we manage with support from family, friends, work, and support groups.
There are times when we need more support and need professional help. This might include when:
- grief is complicated
- we’re angry or agitated
- there are signs of depression
- we’re having trouble functioning, at home or work
- relationships are suffering
- there is increasing avoidance of situations (changing normal driving routes and adding significant amount onto trip, avoiding going anywhere by car, stopping others from going somewhere in a car)
- we can’t stop thinking about it,
- we can’t find any enjoyment in anything
- we have thoughts of harm – to ourselves and/or others.
What help is available?
If you need help coping with sudden bereavement after a road crash, your doctor is a good place to start. You can talk about your concerns, signs and symptoms, and also get a referral for a psychologist/counsellor, if needed.
Other options include Road Trauma Support WA, your work employee assistance program, support groups, and family and friends.
Need more information or support?
At Road Trauma Support WA, we provide free information, support, and counselling to anyone who has been affected by a road crash in Western Australia.
Our fact sheet is designed to help you to understand grief and to suggest some strategies to assist in coping during the grieving process.